Couples Therapy
Grown Apart In Your Relationship Or Marriage?
Are you questioning your relationship because you are arguing and feeling hurt a lot?
Are you wondering that maybe you are just too different to make this relationship work?
Do you wish that your partner was more similar to you, so that your relationship problems could be solved?
Having been through a lot of change or hardship, are you thinking that it was just too much for your relationship to handle?
You and your partner were attracted to one another for a number of reasons. However, after the heady days of new love and romance recede, sometimes affection and connection are gradually replaced by negative communication styles and unhelpful interaction patterns. Also, a lot has happened in your lives since you two first met, such having to face milestones, stresses, losses, or increased responsibilities. The constant arguments leave you feeling misunderstood and alone in your marriage. Or, perhaps you used to argue more, but that was exhausting. Now you two cooperate to run your home, but seem to be living parallel lives and both feeling pessimistic about the possibility of feeling good in your relationship again.
Most Couples Face Challenges in Their Relationship
What you are experiencing is extremely common in couples. In a 2017 survey, about half of couples have attended some form of counseling with their partner and among those who haven’t attended counseling, about half are interested in trying couples counseling. In other words, approximately 75% of couples either have attended or are interested in attending couples therapy. Interestingly, about 7 out of 10 survey respondents also said they knew friends who have participated in marriage counseling.
The most common reason for attending marital counseling is communication, followed by issues with affairs and money/debt. Other reasons for couples therapy include parenting, extended family dynamics, and work issues.
The good news is that the majority of people who have attended couples counseling found that it was helpful or very helpful for their relationship. With the help of a compassionate and experienced couples therapist, you can restore the love, trust, and fun in your relationship.
Couples Therapy Can Help Your Relationship Thrive
I take a compassionate and active approach to helping people address relationship challenges. As a professional third-party, I can recognize the negative patterns of interaction that you are having, and help guide you to rework those negative patterns. It is normal and understandable to defend or protect ourselves when we feel hurt, and my job is to help each partner see when this is happening, and to help you choose a more helpful response instead.
My active approach means that I may interject while you are talking, in order to slow down the conversation in order to understand what feelings are inside of you and to understand the impact of your behaviors on your partner. In this way, instead of continuing the negative pattern of communication that you have at home, you have the opportunity to try more positive ways of communicating.
No person is perfect and we all say or do hurtful things when we are hurting and lack the skills to manage the hurt. This does not excuse our behavior, but it also does not condemn us as bad people. We all have the potential to learn. As Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
After being a therapist for over 15 years working mostly with adult individual clients, I expanded my services to be more in line with my value of the importance of relational well-being. I attained a certificate in family systems therapy to learn specialized skills for working with couples and families. I have worked with couples who began therapy doubting how to regain satisfaction in their relationship or who were contemplating splitting up, but with my experience, guidance, and support, couples have been able to realize new things about themselves and each other, to heal from past pain, and to courageously try new ways of communicating.
If you are exhausted by all of the repetitive arguments or feeling alone while in a relationship with someone, know that many couples have been where you are, and have been able to revitalize their relationship through couples therapy or marriage counseling. I help couples by being a compassionate and objective guide. I help by identifying negative patterns, teaching you to also see them, and finally, providing a safe learning space to practice the new positive ways of interacting instead of the old negative ways.
But You May Still Have Questions About Couples Therapy…
Couples Therapy Can Be Expensive
Couples therapy is an investment in your partner relationship or marriage. Because this relationship is a significant part of your life, couples counseling also supports yourself and your family. According to a recent national study, nearly two-thirds of couples reported a time span of 2 years or less from when a problem began harming their relationship to starting therapy. About 2 in 10 couples reported harmful relationship problems for 3-4 years, and approximately 10% reported 5 years or more before seeking professional help. The problems ranged from mild in nature, such as difference in taste and preferences, to more serious, such as affairs. Get help early while you and your partner are still willing to work on the relationship, before years of conflict and resentment lead to relationship disaster or burnout. We can adjust our treatment focus based on whether you can invest short-term or long-term, but some therapy earlier on can help nip problems in the bud before they develop into entrenched negative patterns and years of stress and unhappiness.
What If My Partner Doesn’t Want To Come In For Couples Counseling?
There are many barriers to attending couples therapy, including the embarrassment of having relationship problems, feeling uncomfortable talking about feelings, and thinking therapy will just be another place to have disagreements or feel criticized. My philosophy is this: many cultures stigmatize going to couples therapy and I want to recognize the courage that it takes to show up. I meet people where they’re at and collaborate with both partners on what to address in therapy. Furthermore, couples counseling is not a place to point fingers of blame or to try to “fix” your partner. It IS a place for you both to become aware of your relationship’s negative patterns of interacting and, with my experienced and compassionate guidance, for each of you to then do your own part to help change those patterns.
What if Therapy Makes Things Worse?
It may seem scary to talk directly and openly about relationship issues in couples counseling. Perhaps you have been avoiding speaking about the “elephant in the room” in your marriage, but the problem will likely grow as the months or years pass. I set communication guidelines for couples therapy so that each person can share honestly yet respectfully during our discussions.
You Can Thrive in Your Relationship
If you would like to schedule an appointment, please contact me at shihwewangphd@gmail.com or leave a voicemail at (339) 217-6001. If you have any questions regarding couples therapy, I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation. I endeavor to return all messages within 1 business day.